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Tuesday
Jul272010

Rihanna, don't sink that Battleship!

Let it be known, I am convinced that no good can come of bringing Battleship the board game to the big screen. Upon learning that pop singer Rihanna will join the cast, I am saddened that her acting career may be over before it begins. Battleship is going to bomb, and it may sink Rihanna with it.

Do you hear me, Rihanna? You're making a mistake.

Here is what Battleship is:

Here is what director Peter Berg (Hancock) wants to do with it:

Lost? Here, let me tell you the known plot for Battleship the movie:

"A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals."

And here's Peter Berg talking about it:

"There's a group of life forms from some other planet have come to our planet for something. They've got a very specific agenda. That agenda is not global domination. It's an agenda and that agenda puts them into conflict with members of our military. Their technology is relatable. It's not incredibly far out and unbeatable. It's comprehensible. Hopefully it'll make for good fun and an intense ride." - Peter Berg

SOS, Rihanna!

A major role in Battleship could be your Crossroads. Worse, it might be your Glitter. You're doing well. Will raping a classic Parker Bros. board game really help your career? At the very least, promise me you won't sing in the film. 

Disturbia is a fantastic song, but Rihanna I fear you're goin' crazy now. 

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