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Entries in Steven Seagal (2)


MACHETE was best left as a 2 minute joke (review)

Rating:  (Embarrassing)

Machete is a 105 minute extrapolation of a 2 minute fake trailer; it has some ridiculous moments and some funny moments, but I cannot find a good reason why this movie exists. It started as a joke attached to Grindhouse, meant to poke fun at 70s-style exploitation films and now it is a 70s-style exploitation film. Instead of more fun and ridiculous violence, we mostly get an incomprehensible plot, horrible acting, an out of place Lindsay Lohan, and an endless supply of characters we care nothing about. Robert Rodriguez set out to bring back these films and he has; he's brought back the good and the bad.

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Why JCVD and Seagal didn't appear in The Expendables, and a kill count poster

The Expendables has a huge cast of action stars in it. Unfortunately, like the Uncanny Valley, the closer one movie gets to having all the greats, the more we notice those who are missing--notably Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal. Did Stallone not want them in the movie? Did they say no? As it turns out, they might not have been ready to play ball.

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